Miles
Shelby was in my bed.
I lay there with her curled up next to me. I could hear her soft breaths and feel her heart pounding a slow and rhythmic beat against my arm. Her hand was resting on my chest and her thigh was burning a spot on my leg that I was certain would scar me forever.
I stared up at the darkness that filled my room. I cursed the feelings that were rushing through me. I’d thought I would be able to sleep with her next to me…I was wrong.
It was taking all of my strength not to touch her. To feel her. To pull her into my arms and show her all the ways a man could please a woman.
I wanted to share that with her. I wanted her to be mine.
But I knew it was too soon for that. She wasn’t ready.
She needed to heal.
It wasn’t lost on me that after my declaration of love last night, she didn’t respond with the same sentiment. I witnessed her feelings for me in the way she kissed me, touched me…stared at me. But she never uttered those three little words.
The words that I’d given so freely.
I love you.
I closed my eyes as my fingers found her hand resting on my chest. I squeezed it gently before bringing it up to my lips. “I love you,” I whispered into her knuckles.
My hand engulfed hers as I set it back down on my chest and held it there. My heart was pounding so hard, I could feel its reverberation in my chest. Then I turned to look at her. Her soft brown hair was pulled away from her face, revealing the creamy skin on her neck and jawline. Memories of pressing my lips to those spots flooded my mind. Deep in my stomach, the desire to kiss every part of her came roaring back to life.
I dragged my gaze away from the hollows of her neck to focus on her perfect features. Her eyelashes splayed across her cheeks, the dark brown contrasting against her white skin. Her nose was pointed and perfect. I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the tip, and when I pulled back, my gaze dropped to her lips. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t help but stare at her plump, pink lips and fantasize about what I would do to them. They were beckoning me to trace their outline with my fingertips and tease them open with my tongue.
I blew out my breath, thankful that she was asleep so she wouldn’t witness my torture. Her mouth was relaxed, which only enhanced her beauty. She wasn’t frowning—which I’d grown so accustomed to—but she wasn’t smiling. She looked content.
So content that I forced myself to lie back down on my pillow and slam my eyes shut. I knew kissing her on the lips would wake her up, and even though every molecule in my body was screaming at me to press my lips to hers, I remained still.
Heat burned in my body from desire. I wanted her in ways that I’d never wanted another woman before. Even with Tamara. Even with random girls that used to fill my calendar when I was single and searching. None of them held a candle to how I felt for Shelby.
She was my person. I was made to love her. I was made to make love to her. I was hers, physically, spiritually, emotionally.
My soul yearned to make her mine.
Sleep evaded me. By the time my room began to grow lighter from the waking sun, I was ready to get out of the bed. The temptation to touch Shelby had grown too strong, and I needed to get some distance between us if I was going to hold to my promise to wait until she was ready.
I pulled away from her, slipping my body off the side of the bed until I was crouching on the floor. A sigh escaped her lips, turning the fire in my belly into a raging inferno. I wanted to pull the covers back and crawl in next to her, but I didn’t.
Instead, I stood and stared down at her for a moment, memorizing every part of her face while I had the chance, then turned and headed out of the room.
Belle wouldn’t be up yet, so I grabbed the baby monitor and headed out to the garage to work off all the pent-up energy I had inside of me.
My earbuds blared my music as I loaded my weights. I was going heavier than I had in a long time, but with the way I was feeling toward Shelby, my muscles needed to burn.
Sweat dripped down my face as I returned the bar to its hooks and sat up. I reached down and grabbed my water bottle that was next to me and took a sip.
A hand landed on my shoulder and I yelled, whipping around, spilling water all over me and the workout bench. A set of wide, yet very familiar, blue eyes greeted me.
“Tamara?” I wiped the water from my face and then pulled out my earbuds. I swung one leg over the bench and then stood.
Was this a dream? It was a strange dream if it was. But the longer I stared at her the more realization dawned on me.
Tamara was indeed standing there. She was thinner, her skin paler, and her eyes looked tired. Her clothes were baggy on her, hanging limply off her shoulders, but I could tell that they were clean. She looked like she’d been put through the wringer and come out the other side.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I returned my earbuds to their case before giving her my undivided attention. The sense of relief that she was okay, contrasted against all of the questions that were racing through my mind.
“I—um…” She closed her eyes as she pressed her forefingers to her temples. “I’m…” She squeezed her eyes like what she was about to say was painful for her.
Hating that she was struggling, I closed the space between us and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it hurt me to see someone I’d cared about like this.
Her body slumped against me as I guided her toward the back door of the inn. Once we were inside the kitchen, I sat her down next to the table and then stood. “I’ll make us some coffee.”
Thankfully, I’d just done a load of laundry yesterday, so I was able to locate a shirt in the dryer. Then I filled the coffee maker with water and turned it on, the hum of the machine filling the silence in the kitchen.
I grabbed a glass of ice water and moved to sit next to Tamara at the table. I set the baby monitor down next to me and then turned to study Tamara. Her shoulders rounded and she was staring off into the distance. Her lips were pulled tight and her eyes looked tired.
She’d been a force to be reckoned with when I first met her. A whirlwind of laughter and joy, filling my boring world. It was strange to see the shell of a woman she’d become. She just looked worn out now. The light in her eyes that had distracted me for months had faded.
“You okay?” I finally asked, breaking the deafening silence between us.
She startled, whipping her gaze over to meet mine. “Hmm?” she asked.
I gave her a weak smile. “Are you okay?”
She studied me for a moment before tears began to fill her eyes. Her shoulders sagged even more as she tipped her gaze up to the ceiling, biting her lip and shaking her head. “No, Miles. I’m not.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and I reached for a napkin on the table and handed it to her. She took it and dabbed her eyes.
“What happened?”
She let out a small sigh before she glanced back up at me. “Phil died.”
I blinked. “Who?”
“My boyfriend, Phil.”
“He died?” Never in the few months we were together or when she’d dropped off Belle, had she mentioned a Phil. It was strange that she came all the way to Harmony just to tell me this. Especially since I didn’t know him.
“Six months ago, he overdosed.” She swallowed and then tipped her gaze up to the ceiling again. She tapped her fingers on the table a few times before turning her attention back to me. “That was rock bottom for me. I’ve been trying to get my life together ever since then.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “My counselor told me the best thing to do is to return to a place where I felt safe.”
I studied her. Here? The last place she felt safe was with me? Her gaze met mine, and that was all I needed to answer my questions. She needed me. She needed Harmony. If she was going to get better, she needed to be here to do that.
“Of course, Tamara. I’m happy to help.” After all, how could I turn away the mother of my child? Especially when she looked so sad. So broken.
A smile played on her lips as the familiar twinkle in her eyes returned. “That makes me so happy. I was worried—”
Movement in the hallway drew our attention. My stomach dropped when I saw who was standing there. Shelby’s eyes were wide as she glanced between Tamara and me. I cleared my throat and hurried to stand, not sure how I was going to explain what was going on and praying that she didn’t misinterpret Tamara’s sudden appearance.
“You’re up,” I blurted out as I started to cross the room. Then I kicked myself for descending on her so quickly. I stopped halfway between them. My focus was on Shelby, whose eyes were wide as she kept her gaze locked on Tamara, who was, consequently, now staring at me.
“Who’s this?” Tamara asked.
I swallowed, all the muscles in my body tensing as I glanced between the two of them. There was no easing anyone into what was about to happen. There had been a few too many drunken nights when I’d stupidly confessed my broken heart to Tamara. She was very aware of what Shelby’s return would mean to me. I studied Shelby, hoping she would read my gaze and not freak out. I extended my hand toward Tamara and said “Shelby, this is Tamara. Belle’s mom.”
Whatever Shelby had been expecting me to say, that was not it. Her eyes widened, and her jaw muscles flinched as she stared at me and then back to Tamara.
Tamara was studying me, and I knew the reason why. Her gaze screamed, Shelby? I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me as I stood there, watching the woman I loved and the mother of my daughter stare at each other.
“You’re Belle’s mom?” Shelby asked, extending her hand in the direction of Belle’s room.
Tamara nodded. They shook hands for a moment before both women stepped back. “And you’re Shelby. The Shelby.”
Shelby looked confused as she glanced over at me and then back to Tamara. “You know who I am?” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Of course you do. Did you know my grandmother? I mean, you were the librarian here. You had to have heard about her.” Her words were picking up speed, and her voice was slowly rising an octave. She was overwhelmed. It took all of my strength not to ask Tamara to leave so I could calm Shelby down.
“Hey,” I whispered as I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around her. We’d had such a magical night last night, I didn’t want her to forget that. I was here for her. I was always going to be here for her.
But Shelby didn’t melt into my embrace like I’d expected her to. Instead, she just stood there like a rigid board. My heart ached. I’d finally coaxed her out of her shell, the last thing I wanted was for her to climb back in and fortify it to the point that I could never penetrate it again.
Worried that I’d overstepped, I dropped my arms and stepped back. I couldn’t read Shelby’s gaze as she stood there, frozen to the spot.
I needed to get Tamara settled somewhere else so I could talk to Shelby. I was trying to contain a fire, and in a few minutes, Belle was going to be up requiring the bulk of my attention. Plus, I wasn’t ready to face how I felt about Tamara meeting Belle. Right now, I needed to focus on Shelby and my daughter. I’d worry about what Tamara’s return meant later.
“Let me get you a key to a room and you can get settled,” I said as I wrapped my hands around Tamara’s shoulders and guided her through the swinging door and out to the dining room. Just as the door swung shut, I peeked back at Shelby. Thankfully, she didn’t instantly take off. She stood there with her arms wrapped around her chest, staring down at the floor. My heart ached for her as I followed behind Tamara. Shelby was most likely in shock—and I’d brought that on her.
Pushing those thoughts from my mind for now, I grabbed a key from behind the desk and shoved it into Tamara’s hand. She stared down at it while I told her how to find her room and promised I would come get her later so we could talk. I could see that she had questions, but I wasn’t ready to answer any of them.
Thankfully, she had enough of her wits about her to nod and head up the stairs toward her room. Now alone, I sprinted back to the kitchen to find that Shelby had stayed right where I’d left her.
Not wanting to lose her again, I crossed the space between us and wrapped my arms around her, burying my face into her neck. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to meet her like that,” I whispered as I pulled back.
Shelby glanced up at me, and I inwardly cursed when I couldn’t read her gaze.
“How long has she been here?”
“Just this morning. She found me while I was working out.” I gave her a weak smile, hoping she could see that Tamara meant nothing to me. That Tamara being back here hadn't changed my feelings for her.
Shelby studied me as if she were searching for sincerity in my gaze. It broke my heart. I wanted to be a safe place for her to land, and I hated that my history was as tangled as it was.
“Why is she back here?”
I reached out and brushed her fingers with mine. I waited for a moment to see if she would take my hand, and my heart sang when she spread her fingers and let mine in. Her skin was soft and cold against mine. I stepped closer, staring down at her with all the emotions that were coursing through me. Out of all the ways I’d imagined this morning going, this was not one I’d even thought possible.
“She needs some help right now. And as she’s Belle’s mom, I can’t turn her away.” I leaned in, my voice deepening with emotion. “But we are not getting back together. I meant what I said last night.” I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, letting my fingers run from her hair down her neck, and I finished it off with a kiss to her clavicle.
She let out a soft sigh and tipped her head back, beckoning me in. My hand found her waist, and I pulled her against me. I trailed kisses from her neck to her lips. She let go of my fingers and slid her hands from my chest to my neck where she tightened her grip to deepen the kiss.
All the worry that had plagued my gut dissipated as I held her against my body. I wanted her to know that I was here for her. I was always going to be here for her. I broke our kiss to lean forward and whisper, “I love you,” in her ear.
She pulled back and held my gaze. I could see the worry inside of her, and I wanted to put that fear to rest, once and for all.
“I mean it.” My hand found her fingers, and I brought her knuckles to my lips and pressed a kiss into them, reveling in the fact that, this time, she was awake and watching me.
I could see her study me from over her hand, so I brought my gaze up to meet hers. She looked less panicked, but I could tell that she was still worried. I knew it was going to take her some time, but I could live with her worry.
What I couldn’t live with was her leaving. And with our history, leaving was what I’d come to expect when it came to Shelby. So even though I was terrified that she was going to walk out on me once more, I was going to take her staying in this kitchen, kissing me, as a positive sign.
And those three little words that she still hadn’t said to me? Well, her standing here in front of me, letting me touch her like I was, they were as good as spoken. It was only a matter of time before I heard those words come from her sexy lips. And I wasn’t going anywhere until she felt safe enough to utter them.
I was willing to spend every moment of every day proving that to her.
I was never going to leave.
Ever.